Introduction
Grief is part of our life. We all grieve somehow. Whether it is a loss of a loved one or many other changes and losses that happen in life.
The definition of grief differs. The one that is written in books, says it is an emotional reaction that is happening to our body. This is when we suffer anger. Disappointment. Sadness. Frustration.
Photo by K. Mitch Hodge on Unsplash
This is the time when we really experience these feelings. After the loss of a relationship or the turmoil caused by death we may go through these feelings.
The personal definition we have of our grief, is going to determine how we work with other people.
If our personal grief identifies with darkness and loneliness, it is also going to affect how we listen and understand other people.
Grief is about perspective.
But first, we need to know our own definition of grief…
In this week’s blog you will read about:
- Healing Your Own Grief
- Exercises for Healing Your Own Grief
- Accompanying Children in Grief
Healing Your Own Grief
We must start with a very essential point about grief.
If let’s say instead of obscurity and darkness, my understanding of grief includes tenderness and love, this will help me to increase my acceptance care for myself and others.
The connection with grief does not necessarily have to be something that prevents you from enjoying life. Building self-awareness can help you to recognize what is happening inside your body. Although you may feel like you are going through a storm, you may also discover moments of peace.
If you are aware of how you experience grief, you gain a clearer understanding of your inner landscape. Better self-knowledge then in turn gives us more tools and greater capacity to help the children and families you accompany through loss.
I encourage you to find your own definition of grief.
Go deeper.
Give voice to your feelings that are in connection with your grief.
From there you will get more understanding.
You will increase your capacity of acceptance.
And you will gain awareness to accompany other people with a generous heart.
I want to guide you on this journey. I want you to understand why spending the time and effort to heal your own grief, your unfinished businesses, or traumatic experiences matters.
Why is it so fundamental to work on yourself in this way?
Because…
Your quality of life will change positively. Apart from healing yourself, you will also be able to improve the life of the people around you – your family and loved ones or friends.
The more we accept our grief, the more easily we can talk about it. And after some time incorporate it as part of our life. This way it will not be secretive, so children or relatives will not be so affected by our bad mood or by our own frustration and unresolved feelings.
That is why healing your grief is so important. That does not mean you will not grief anymore. But you will get more awareness and acceptance. You will have less internal conflict.
There are many ways of doing this. One of them is the course we offer. The experiential training with specifically designed exercises to explore the difficult moments we go through in life and to find wisdom within ourselves.
Exercises for Healing Your Own Grief
What we do first, is we connect with pain. And then we gain the perspective of what we receive from these difficult times. This can be done during the training with different exercises. Some of them include:
- The River of Life
- Giving and Receiving
- Gratitude
A bit more about the exercises…
The River of Life:
Imagine a river, that is your life. Your life cycle. During the exercise you will get in contact with the losses you have experienced in life.
You go through them one by one, by crossing the river of your life.
Whatever loss comes you realize.
A loss from childhood. A pet. A toy. A friend. A home. A parent.
How does this make you feel? Perhaps the feeling of insecurity?
No matter what losses you have had in life, you just keep going. Sometimes you slow down, sometimes you speed up and swim in your river of life. You keep floating, until you reach the present.
Perceiving your life as though you are going through a river can help you to integrate your losses and integrate death as part of the life cycle.
Giving and Receiving:
Giving and receiving is important in how we live.
We have to give, in order to receive.
We accompany families during counselling offering time, space, silence and knowledge but we also receive and learn from the interaction. One is not separated from the other.
Sometimes we are in a position that we can give, as life gave us before.
But other times we are in need of asking others for help, before we can be emotionally better. Before we are fully ready. Ready to give again …
Gratitude:
The previous exercise was about receiving help, but also how you can give, by offering your talents to other people. In order to see these opportunities, it is imperative to connect with gratitude.
Being grateful for what we do have and what we can do. For the possibilities that are in front of us.
Following this exercise gives you resources when you interact with others. It gives you energy and strength to promote changes in a deep and personal level.
One thing is for sure, we can start by just being grateful that we are here. To be able to feel the forces of life. Giving appreciation to your existence.
Accompanying Children in Grief
For those who are going to work with children, it is definitely going to be essential, for anyone else accepting your grief is a profound healing opportunity to live better.
Dealing with grief can help you to get in contact with love and also teach children to have a good life.
This journey is a fundamental part of incorporating the techniques and to know how to accompany and communicate with families in grief or with children who are facing difficult times because of a loss.
The more you work on your own grief, the more you can learn about the techniques.
Techniques that increase your capacity to help children.
Working with your own grief can help you to integrate these techniques.
They will increase your capacity for listening and choosing the right sentences to decrease the fears of those you help.
You may feel less insecure when talking to children.
Acquiring these techniques will reduce your confusion when talking to children about grief. You will be ready to accompany the child during sad moments.
All the losses you have in life. The unfinished businesses. I sincerely believe we can incorporate the grief and sorrow into our everyday life.
We can gain a different perspective about our losses.
We can also be grateful for all the wisdom received by them.
The way out? Connecting with love and acceptance.
I really hoped you like this week’s blog. If you are interested in this topic I invite you for the following blog, in which we continue talking about grief and talking to families and children in crisis.
Thank you for your reading,
Iván Gómez García
Director of Creative Accompaniment
Psychologist expert in Psycho-Oncology and Palliative Care
Gestalt Psychotherapist (AETG-FEAP)
“In spite of all losses, I love life passionately, I love life for the sake of life. And I am still only beginning my life. I will soon be fifty years old and still cannot decide: am I drawing to the end of my life or just starting it. This is the most important trait of my character; perhaps also the most important trait of what I do.”
Fyodor M. Dostoevsky
